The Eternal Butterfly

In a post from Harvard Business Review, imposter syndrome is defined as "a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success." It also says " 'Imposters' suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence." Imposter syndrome is something that I have been dealing with this summer (if I'm keeping it 💯I've probably been dealing with it since my higher education career began) during my internship. This was my first ever internship and my first research experience. I didn't have all the courses or even any experience in the topic of my research, but somehow I was still selected for this opportunity. Leading up to it, my anxiety around starting my internship was heightened because instead of working on site, I was now working from home. I had thoughts like the following: What if they don't think I'm smart enough?  What if the...

Menstruation - also known as a period, is a normal vaginal bleeding as part of the monthly cycle for people with vaginas. Every month the body prepares for pregnancy and if it doesn't occur, the uterus sheds its lining. Menstrual blood is partly blood and tissue from inside the uterus.  Let's pull over for a moment. I just need to say that being a vagina owner is a scam for the simple fact that bleeding for several days once a month is the result of not getting impregnated. Carry on.  Disclaimer: If you don't like to talk about periods, menstruation, or anything of the like, I suggest you stop reading here and grow up.  Model 1 DivaCup, bag, and booklet So a few months ago I decided that I wanted to try out a menstrual cup during my period. Well, I finally put my fear aside and purchased a DivaCup last month and tried it during my most recent period. For reference, the DivaCup comes in 3 models based on age and the size of one's flow. To prepare myself for using the Div...

Breonna Taylor  Kathryn Johnston Korryn Gaines  Atatiana "Tay" Jefferson Tanisha Anderson Michelle Cusseaux Charleena Lyles Pearlie Golden Kayla Moore Duanna Johnson India Kager Aiyana Stanley-Jones Rekia Boyd Shelly Frey Eleanor Bumpus Mya Hall Miriam Carey Sandra Bland Natasha McKenna Kyam Livingston These are just a few of the women who have died at the hands of the police. If you want to know their stories check out their website below: #SAYHERNAME :  https://aapf.org/sayhername Let me preface this with a few things. I'm a Black woman and I'm enraged with everything going on in the world. Even more so with those of you reading this who are complicit in the oppression of Black women. So if you read this and have a problem with what I'm saying, please know I don't care and 👇🏾 The past few weeks have been heavy for me as a Black woman. I attended my first protest and witnessed tear gas being thrown at protesters. I assisted in rinsing people's ey...

Long time, no talk. It has been an interesting last few months. I have officially finished my first year of my graduate program, which means I'm halfway through! Let me tell you, it was difficult before Corona LaShay DaVirus showed up, but she sure made it even more challenging. But I overcame! With the pandemic in full swing, NCA&T moved the semester online like most universities. I had mixed feelings about the transition, but I tried to keep an open mind about it. My mixed feelings came from the fact that I was already lacking the motivation for school itself, so having to maintain what little motivation I had while being restricted to my apartment was going to be even more challenging. To be completely honest, very little homework got completed at home prior to the pandemic. Most of my homework would be completed on campus. As mentioned in the previous blog post, I was on campus for seven days a week for the first half of the semester. So I had to reevaluate what I n...

School is back in session! I came into this semester with my head held high and ready to do the work. the Then I started reading the syllabi, textbooks, and getting homework and got the reality knocked into me. But to be honest, this semester has been MUCH better than last semester for a number of reasons. I (may) have found my people. I am taking 3 classes on Monday and Wednesday from 4pm until 7:55pm. Now you may be wondering why I didn't just say 8pm, but we'll get back to that in a few. I also have class on Tuesday, which is a 50-minute problem session related to the proof course I'm taking.  Now let's get into these people whom I've been drawn to and vice versa. The proof class I'm taking is HARD y'all. To put it in perspective how hard this class is, there was eight of us to start, and now there's five. Our professor, a Black woman (side note: this the first Black woman I've had teach me math since my sophomore year of high school...

This time five years ago I was mentally preparing myself to travel from Chicago to St. Louis to attend the homegoing services for my aunt. This was my second encounter with death in my family. I can't say I was expecting it. Her sickness came as a surprise to me and within a matter of days she was gone. The difference between this loss and that of my uncle is that I was actively in school. My uncle passed weeks before my second year of undergrad while my aunt passed in my final semester of undergrad. Dealing with death, loss, and grief at any time is hard, no doubt, but dealing with it while trying to finish school was harder in my opinion. I had plans to attend a retreat the same weekend my aunt's services were scheduled and needless to say I didn't end up going. I took the train home with someone who is now one of my best friends and attended my aunt's funeral. The weekend is such a blur now. All I remember is watching my little cousins eat jelly biscuits to make su...

Here we are at the end of another year. This is the time of year when we reflect on the last 365 days and set intentions for the next 366 days (yay, a leap year!) As I look back on this year I think of all that I've been challenged with and overcome. As with any year there comes clarity, conflict, new adventures, blessings and lessons. Bear with me as I take a stroll down the memory lane of 2019. I know change all too well and this year was full of many. At the beginning of this year I was finalizing my personal statement for graduate school and submitting applications. I received several rejections before finally receiving an acceptance into my top graduate school program. The only acceptance that mattered (side note: a supervisor of mine once told me "You only need to get into one school/program."). I also started the year off traveling with students and colleagues to Washington D.C. What a historic time to be in the nation's capital during the longest governm...