On to the Roaring 20s...

Here we are at the end of another year. This is the time of year when we reflect on the last 365 days and set intentions for the next 366 days (yay, a leap year!)

As I look back on this year I think of all that I've been challenged with and overcome. As with any year there comes clarity, conflict, new adventures, blessings and lessons. Bear with me as I take a stroll down the memory lane of 2019.

I know change all too well and this year was full of many. At the beginning of this year I was finalizing my personal statement for graduate school and submitting applications. I received several rejections before finally receiving an acceptance into my top graduate school program. The only acceptance that mattered (side note: a supervisor of mine once told me "You only need to get into one school/program."). I also started the year off traveling with students and colleagues to Washington D.C. What a historic time to be in the nation's capital during the longest government shutdown in history. 😑 The first quarter of 2019 ended with my great grandma Cynthia passing away. In the midst of this loss and the family drama that came with it, I found my voice. One of the hardest yet freeing things I've done is speak my truth, to any and everybody. There's a quote that hangs on the wall in my room that says, "Speak the truth even if your voice shakes". It took me years to fully understand and embody what it means, but now I get it and stand firm in it.

The second quarter of this year wasn't too eventful. I'd been in therapy somewhat regularly and my therapist had finally said the words, "I think you're now in a place where you are no longer just surviving, but thriving." So I guess one could say I had a breakthrough of sorts. I was offered partial funding and an assistantship from A&T. On the day that I accepted this offer, I also submitted my letter of resignation to my direct supervisor and department head. What a bittersweet moment this was, as this was my first workplace post undergrad. This is when reality set in that I was uprooting my whole ass life and moving across the country to start completely over in a city, state, and region that I was completely unfamiliar with. I had many of breakdowns during this quarter because moving and all the planning leading up to it is SKRESSFUL! But with the help of my village and God, we got it all figured out. I ended this quarter with a bang by throwing one of my best friend's a bachelorette party! Wait, I almost forgot something! In the midst of all this, I found the time, strength and courage to choreograph, train, and perform in a pole dancing showcase. This is probably the accomplishment I am most proud of this year. So I guess the second quarter was quite eventful after all.

The third quarter is when sh!t got real! I packed up my car and a rental and drove cross country with  my best friend and my mama. I said goodbye to some coworkers and see you later to the others who'd become my chosen village. I left behind a state that I went to school in for 4 years and worked in for another 4 years. I packed up the memories and left behind whatever wouldn't serve me well in my next chapter. I got all the way to Greensboro, North Carolina and didn't sit still for long. I caught some flights to Jamaica and Miami and caught feelings against my better judgement. (I quickly came to my senses, because this ain't How Stella Got Her Groove Back). After living my best life, I had time to get settled into my new home. But it didn't feel much like home. I took one more trip, this time I went "home" to St. Louis for a weekend. I spent the weekend celebrating the marriage of my best friend and her forever. Oh, I almost forgot, my major life transition wouldn't have been complete without my dying my hair purple. 💜 The third quarter marked the birth of  this here blog, my graduate school career and all that came with it. *sigh* With help from my village and making one ally in my cohort, I was able to manage. Oh, and this is when I thought it'd be a good idea to get on the dating apps. *insert eye roll*

The fourth and final quarter is when I finally started to feel like I could manage all the changes that were coming my way. I attended my first GHOE (Greatest Homecoming on Earth). Let me tell you, it was quite the event. If you ever get the chance, I encourage you to come kick it in Aggie Land for the GHOE festivities. Despite feeling like I could manage, I had my ups and downs with school because it's hard and lonely. I found a groove and the semester started looking up. I started letting my guard down and made new connections. My roommates started getting on my nerves more every week. I finished the semester with 2 A-'s and a B. Not quite the 4.0 I wanted, but that is still good! And finally I spent my first Christmas alone. I'll probably elaborate on that in a separate post, but I had a lovely time.





As I sit here on New Year's Eve, I think about who I was at the beginning of 2019 and who I am now. I'm not one to say, "new year, new me", but I am glad at the improvements and healing that I've embraced this year. Every year challenges us to step out of our comfort zone a little more. This year did that for me in several ways. From finding the courage to speak my truth to family members, I found my voice. From performing a pole dancing routine in front of mostly strangers, I found my confidence. From traveling alone and with my bestie, I found Black Girl Magic.I found out what I was made of when I moved to a new city. (in case you were wondering, I'm made of tears and crab legs.) In grad school I found failure, passion, and a piece of myself that had been missing. And lastly, in starting this blog I found healing. There's a special healing in being vulnerable with those who read this.




As I walk into 2020, I'm embracing everything that 2019 taught me. I'm leaving behind what no longer serves me. I hope that in 2020, you will stay on this journey with me as I figure out life. Thank you for supporting me in 2019 and I hope to interact more with you in 2020.

Peace & Blessings ✌🏾💜