The Eternal Butterfly

Graduate School Graduate school is the division of a university offering advanced programs beyond the bachelor's degree. I started graduate school last week.And now that I think about it, I've been a student for 18 of my 26 years of existence. And I've willingly decided to add two more years to that. What was I thinking?! I can't say that I have expectations of graduate school. I don't expect the experience to mirror that of undergrad. In fact, I HOPE it doesn't mirror that in any way. Not that undergrad was treacherous or anything, but been there done that. Wait, I lied. I did have some expectations. A little background, I am pursuing my Master's in Applied Mathematics at an HBCU. So I had expectations of being one of many Black people in my courses. I expected to not be the only Black woman in my classes. So far I can say that is true for at least one of the three courses I'm taking this semester. I did expect it to be difficult and invigoratin...

Tiana According to Urban Dictionary, Tiana means the following " Tiana is the one you think is shy; she's beautiful but doesn't know it. She is incredibly gifted, but she never brags.  She is the greatest friend you could ever ask for. Tiana is always there to listen and doesn't take a good friend for granted. She will always treat you well. Tiana has respect for herself as well as others, and she is always thinking of others. She is the most loving person you know. Tiana is forgiving, but she won't be pushed around. She is strong in her values, but she won't shove her beliefs down your throat. Tiana is you favorite person. She is the one you have a millions inside jokes with. She's the one you always want to be around. She's the one you laugh with every second you are together. Once you have a Tiana in your life, never let her go because you'll never find one just like her. " Oh, Tiana is of Latin and Russian origin, meaning Princess.  ...

Grief. By definition it means deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone's death according to Google. Seven years ago I learned what grief is first hand. In the wee early morning hours of August 4th, I woke up and noticed the sound of raindrops hitting the windows of my mother's living room. I felt different, like something was wrong but I eventually fell back asleep. A couple hours later, my mama comes and sits on the couch where I lay. I roll over and she proceeds to tell me that my uncle is dead. I don't remember much about this moment. She told me to call my granny, which I do. Now my granny is saved, sanctified and filled with the Holy Spirit as they say. When I call her, she sounds okay, like doesn't sound like she just lost her oldest son to freak car accident. She says something like "It's okay, we're going to trust God." I didn't really have anything to say this day. I remember crying and writing. I remember going to my g...

Independent. According the the second definition on Google, independent means "not depending on another for livelihood or subsistence". I've prided myself in being able to provide all my needs and needs for quite some time now. But very recently it's been brought to my attention that I should allow others to do for me when they offer. I typically object and am very apprehensive of being given things without having asked for it or earned it. Especially when it's coming from men. Obviously rooted in some past trauma. But the other part of it is control. I have to let go of the idea that I need to do everything for my needs and wants to be met. But it's scary, hell, terrifying even. It's a deeper level of trusting myself. Trusting that I have selected the best people who care about my needs and wants just as much as I do. Anyways, I'm glad I've been made aware of this and with the current transition happening in my life I'm going to try to...